solid and secure natural tree bark
deep water pond with shades of bluesunlight through tall grasssunlight through deep red and brown leaves

Lifekey Counseling - Mindful-Somatic Therapy for Complex Trauma: Anxiety, Shame, Stuckness

Secure: >Anxious (aka 'Preoccupied' or 'Relationship Addict'): >Avoidant (aka 'Dismissive' or 'Relationship Avoider'): >Mixed or Alternating (aka 'Disorganized' or 'Fearful-Avoidant'): >(General population stats: Levine & Heller. Therapist population: Gunsberg & Hershberg.) >References Gunsberg, L., & Hershberg, S. G. (n.d.). Psychoanalytic theory, research, and clinical practice: Reading Joseph D. Lichtenberg (pp. 240-241). Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find- and keep -love. New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher.
Anxious (“Relationship Addict”) Avoidant (“Relationship Avoider”)
Dependent Self Sufficient and Counter-Dependent
Amplify Emotion Diminish/Avoid Emotion
Feels Easily Abandoned Feels Easily Controlled/Oppressed
External Focus, Lacking Internal Internal Focus, Lacking External
“>You're supposed to help me!” “>You're supposed to help yourself!”
Draw Attention to Survive Avoid Attention to Survive
Drawn to stable/calm partner Drawn to expressive partner
More likely to feel alone and cheat More likely to seek something 'better'
“>Love Addict” (Dependent) “>Sex Addict” (Self-Sufficient)
Often Takes the 'Talker' Role Often Takes the 'Listener' Role
Low Discernment Choosing Partners Hyper-Discerning and Ambivalent
“>Chaser” “Pursuer” “>Chased” “Distancer”
“>Not Enough” “>Too Much”
“>Come Here” “>Go Away”
“>Our relationship is innately good.” “>Our relationship has innate problems.”
Requires Other, Limited Trust in Self Accustomed to giving up Self for Others
Healing Requires Self Focus Healing Requires Other Focus
>Often, our attachment styles do not become activated until the relationship has reached a certain 'temperature' of commitment and dependence. The pairing of opposites can feel natural and intoxicating at the beginning of a relationship. Also, when the relationship ends, the avoidant side begins to feel emotion again, which can draw both back into relationship. >While these extreme attachment styles trigger one another during the routine status-quo of life, the dependency can switch when outside the norm, especially outside of the home, on vacation, or in company of others. >References Diamond, D., Blatt, S. J., & Lichtenberg, J. D. (2007). Attachment & sexuality. New York: Analytic Press. Karen, R. (1998). Becoming attached: First relationships and how they shape our capacity to love. New York: Oxford University Press. Kinnison, J. (2014). Type: Dismissive-Avoidant. Retrieved June 20, 2016, from Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find- and keep -love. New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher.

leaf rounding into itself to form a small and simple ring


For security, functionality, and user convenience, this site uses cookies. Manage Cookies

Back to Top ^

Lifekey Facebook

Legal Agreements:

Privacy/Cookie Policy

Website Disclaimer

Terms and Conditions

Page Modified: Mon, 25 Jan 2021 21:50:13 GMT

Code, Content, and Photos © Jeremy McAllister