Anxious (“Relationship Addict”) |
Avoidant (“Relationship Avoider”) |
Dependent |
Self Sufficient and Counter-Dependent |
Amplify Emotion |
Diminish/Avoid Emotion |
Feels Easily Abandoned |
Feels Easily Controlled/Oppressed |
External Focus, Lacking Internal |
Internal Focus, Lacking External |
“>You're supposed to help me!” |
“>You're supposed to help yourself!” |
Draw Attention to Survive |
Avoid Attention to Survive |
Drawn to stable/calm partner |
Drawn to expressive partner |
More likely to feel alone and cheat |
More likely to seek something 'better' |
“>Love Addict” (Dependent) |
“>Sex Addict” (Self-Sufficient) |
Often Takes the 'Talker' Role |
Often Takes the 'Listener' Role |
Low Discernment Choosing Partners |
Hyper-Discerning and Ambivalent |
“>Chaser” “Pursuer” |
“>Chased” “Distancer” |
“>Not Enough” |
“>Too Much” |
“>Come Here” |
“>Go Away” |
“>Our relationship is innately good.” |
“>Our relationship has innate problems.” |
Requires Other, Limited Trust in Self |
Accustomed to giving up Self for Others |
Healing Requires Self Focus |
Healing Requires Other Focus |